I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
