You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
