I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
