yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
