You made me cry and you don't even care
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize