I want to stick my p in your. b.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm really busy with my period
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