wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
