Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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