I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
