got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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