just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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