I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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