well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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