You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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