Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
