Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
