McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
