As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
