I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
