I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
