The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My ass is underappreciated
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
