You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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