The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Never let your siblings swipe right.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
