I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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