Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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