East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
