it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
