So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
