Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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