I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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