So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
