I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
