I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
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