we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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