she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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