All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Randomize
