I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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