I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
