I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
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