bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
