Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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