Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Its about making memories worth repressing
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
