I heard we made out
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
