she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
