So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
