my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
