omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
There r osticjed everywhere
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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