I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
