I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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