We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
