My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
