I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
