C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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