I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
