Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
