Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
