Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Randomize
