The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
