can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
