i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
