Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
