Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
