I think my fart just growled at me.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
