Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So vagazzling was a success
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
