Your mouth is God's brothel.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
