Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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