1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
the day after is always just damage control
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
