Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
