she looked like the before picture.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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