my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
