I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Randomize
