My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
