i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
