the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
