Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
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