Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
