I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
