You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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