Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
