Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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