So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I touched a dick in church today
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
